Directed by Tommy Wirkola | Year 2013
Over the years we have seen various movies about vampires, werewolves and even zombies come true. These are universal stories that can easily be replaced with a new trend. How about fairy tales? Shows like Once Upon A Time and Grimm have already gained global success and now it’s Hollywood’s turn. After movies about Snow White and Little Red Riding Hood, Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters is Hollywood’s next attempt to popularize the fairy tale franchise even more. What a bust though. This Hansel and Gretel screen adaptation is an incredibly tiresome movie to watch.
The movie begins by retelling the classic story we all know. Two children enter a house made of candy and are captured by a witch. Later on, they defeat the witch and they continue hunting down witches for the rest of their lives. This second part is what the movie is all about, hence the name ‘witch hunters’. Hansel (Jeremy Renner) and Gretel (Gemma Arterton) once upon a time end up in a village called Augsburg. Their mission is to find children of the village who have been captured by witches. The leader of the witches, Muriel (Famke Janssen), obviously plans to do something evil to these kids. Good to know that Hansel and Gretel are available to save the day.
Whatever you do, don’t eat the fuckin’ candy – Hansel
This was the most original line throughout the entire movie with a running time of around 100 minutes (!). That says something: the writing is way off. Moreover, too many classic oneliners were used which gave me the feeling I’d watched this movie already. In fact, I skipped through most of the scenes to just get a glimpse of the action scenes. Those were highly entertaining on one hand, but they were all alike. Take hold of the witch, kill it and smile ‘cos the job is done. Obviously, the ending fights were different, but they lacked the realism needed even in a fairy tale. Don’t even get me started on the characters.
You should only watch this movie on one condition. If you like to switch of those brains for a while and enjoy some simple scenes with ugly-looking witches and sibling-action, go for it. I strongly advise against it though. LOL.